leah

Leah. That word alone is enough to describe the series of things that occured recently. The message that Sister Petrina preached was powerful enough that it will forever be remembered; Leah.
And because of that, despite having broken parts, missing SE engines, and sub par parts - we'll still proceed with the original plan - the first plan; once again flying the Maker's banner.

Not because we hope to 'win' and best everyone else at the end, but because "when life isn't fair, there is God"

no surprises

reminiscing old Disney songs brought about little sense of elation. However this happiness is not genuine. Going back to childhood days is a place where dreams were abundant. It was a place where one could be a pilot! a doctor! maybe even an actor! and then reality hits. But of course for some, in the midst of reality they still do achieve their dreams - for one simple reason, they don't carry the curse of necrotic touch.

Push the Disney songs a little further, whom will be be listener of "A whole new world"? whom will duo "Beauty & the Beast"?

That's right, no one at all

it makes a difference. Where others may once, twice or maybe thrice or more not succeed, but there will be progress however miniscule. On the other hand those with this curse have no progress whatsoever they do. It has always been this way and nothing will change. Whatsoever effort always will indefinitely result the same - nothing.

Therein in the deafening silence of again broken hopes & dreams will resound the chorus, No Surpises.

of broken dreams and shattered desires

saw proposal that was done in the form of a movie trailer. Without sounding too much of a sour grapes, that idea has been mulled upon. Along with it more ideas and of course ideal scenarios surrounding High Warlord. Even though i have come to the acceptance that nothing will happen - yet again Overdrive takes it's course like always.

Of the many ideas, the reprise of Beauty and the Beast would be most fitting, ending with Fairytale song - but in this case, it doesn't progress to scene 2 or the finale. No "Belle" to say that she loves the person behind the ugly physical. No "Belle" to break the curse.

As quickly as many of these ideas birth, they die and shatter like everything else. Their pieces will again cut, and cut deep leaving deep wounds. Such will be the end to 'this' story. Forever to only watch, never to experience. As painful as it is, to dream - but only to have it shatter moments later.

This.is.your.story.

good friends

oh you're back. Been a while since you were around. It's almost as if you were gone for good - but one knows better. You're around closer than any shadow can be.
Always can be counted on to be there - always

Thanks heartache & loneliness. i can always count on you both!

burmecia

it is the land of eternal rain. they say that it cannot rain forever, behind every storm is a rainbow, before the daybreak is the darkest night. whoop de doo, guess they don't know the real scenario. Yeah sure for others it is temporal. For others it is valleys and mountain tops, rain and sunshines - because they aren't in burmecia.
You will find no sunshine here - no silver lining. It always rains, it always is dark. Sure you always hear the same phrases over and over again, but they mean nothing really. Hollow words and empty promises. Wishful thinking and false hope.

You say that last Sunday that all of us have bitter & sweet moments, oh but you have no idea. Absolutely no idea at all how one event after another can go wrong. Things that you think cannot go wrong, will go wrong. Big things, small things, medium things. Even things that aren't important and not pressing, will go wrong - don't ask about the important things, it's a given that they don't work out.

Amidst all this i'm supposed to smile and be happy? laugh? when the branding iron is pressed to your skin and held eternally, lets see you smile and laugh and be happy.
welcome to burmecia, land of the eternal rain.

space frigate 'hobble'

The Hubble telescope was a marvel when it was birthed - but not this one. Where one is Hubble the other one hobbles. How can you rescue anyone when you cannot even save yourself? Each day is spend hobbling from the beginning to the end, just hoping for the end of day to come without any mistakes done. But such is not the case.

Every alternate day is a mistake, is a blunder, is damage control.
"You'll never amount to anything in life"
Perhaps those words are true. Try as much as you may not want to accept it, but closing your eyes and ears, the sky is still blue regardless. A misfit, an outcast, a failure, the biggest disappointment, the ugly, the talentless, the repulsive.

so what if you are generous? (giving benefit of doubt) it doesn't get you anywhere.
so what if you are kind? (again giving benefit of doubt) it again doesn't get you anywhere.
In a world of results, credentials and achievements - those do not matter. Result driven/oriented. High achiever. Talented. Success. These are what every employer seeks. They do not seek weak qualities that do not yield anything. No organization is a charity.

the cards are all laid out. Perhaps it is high time to cease being deadweight, the fat kid on the short bus, the gangrenuos limb. Charity gets the organization no where, good results do.
Was never meant for greatness from the start. Track history already is a solid enough evidence, what more does anyone need?

Enough of false hopes. It is time for acceptance.

prodigal

"One time or another, we're all a prodigal child". In the natural, we shy away from hurt and pain. Not one sane person enjoys pain (and we're not talking about masochists - which are a different discussion all together bordering on the realm of psychology). Slightly over a month of absense and yet undeniably still off and on you hear the Maker calling you back. Be it through thoughts, or other people the message is the same.

This time it took Delmer Guynes & indirectly, W.Kim Fook for the turn around. At the end of the day i suppose i do not want to disappoint. Nevermind what happened or in this case 'did not happen' on earth, but at the end to know and see ma-ma and yeh-yeh waiting - that's all that matters isn't it.

Nothing's changed though - honestly speaking. There wasn't a huge event or any of that sort. Still standing amidst of much broken dreams, wishes and hope. The wounds from them are still fresh; even the scent of blood. Yet amidst this is now a different perspective and outlook.
No new hull plating, no new shield generators nor batteries. Same old, same old - and same old goal ... Heading out.