It's always amazing when you sit down and think of how much restoration goes into other people but your own. Doesn't matter whether it is restoration for PC or self-image or whatever. All efforts go into other people but in reality? self is to say the least, in shambles.
It's the unsolvable riddle / puzzle / problem. Any mortal is honestly powerless to do anything. The only entity that actually can do something, doesn't. This is where the problem stems - is He again the Cosmic Sadists which if indeed were true is comforting because then it would explain a great many things.
However as C.S. Lewis puts it, it is not the fear of finding out God is a Cosmic Sadist, but it is to find out that despite the teachings and saying about how God is Love, is that the reality is as it is - contradictory.. There isn't not an ounce of evidence that supports the notion that God actually cares and loves.
Is it true that these tears are precious? If so how?
Is it true that He is near the broken hearted? If so where?
Is it true that there are plans to prosper? If so where?
Day after day the only evident experience is sorrow, grief, broken heart and unrequited-ness.
Day in day out, week in week out, months and years. It's been like this for years, what makes you think it'll change. Truly who can ever love a beast?
No one truly knows. Yeah they all say they understand but do they? Do they know how much effort has been put over the past years? Everything gone into the abyss of futility? Do they even know what it is like to always sit and watch other people's joy and happiness for close to 18 years now? What about the ostracization and rejection which still goes on - it all is. Nothings stopped.
Sure they do understand - full of talk.
If this is Your idea of a Gift of Life, take it back. There i've said it. I do not wish to hold on to this. This amount of constant hurt and agony is not worth anything at all. The only release is death itself.
