and the skies rained fire

in the cold darkness of space, a lone frigate drifts aimlessly without direction. A lone droid attends to the sole human on board. Encased in cryo-recovery bacta fluid, his wounds are near fatal. Unconscious yet having brain activity that is off the charts, one can only imagine the horrors that he struggles with.

The acrid smell of melted hull and ozone still permeates the frigate. Most have been destroyed - even completely broken off and drifted / is drifting away from the main hull. Despite space being vacuum, fires and embers still burn on numerous sections of the frigate's hull.
Minimal power from batteries power the infamary, where the lone captain is under the watchful eyes of the droid. The rest of the frigate is offline. There isn't enough power at all for other systems.

and then the skies rained fire again - Overdrive. It has not ended yet.


**************************************************

Time Zero One to Zero Two what is your status.
We're at the location but we cannot proceed.
Why is that?
She's still under fire from the VSDs
*Sigh* poor sod. Is there anything we can do
Not at this point. As long as she's under fire, no repairs can be carried out at all.
So we sit and wait?
We sit and wait.

salt to wounds

turn to your left or right and tell that person one thing you are thankful for
i am thankful for you


kuekatsu

boom

and the skies lit up with turbolasers. Reality's main cannons pierced deep space igniting it's target's hull. Pure energy beams melting it's target. It's target had no chance of survival at all.

14th hour:eagerness

there is an air of eagerness. Perhaps it can be attribute to be able to meet up with chels and za. So this is what it feels like to look forward to meet up with two individuals who truly accept you. Yet can't help to wonder that is this just a fraction of the feeling to meet up with a partner - something that one always only sees but never to experience.

kuekatsu

Now marks the 14th hour. The heat only gets hotter from this point. Shields are down and each barrage is direct to the hull.

Again we're in that position, teetering between Hope & Reality. Teetering between Resounding Victory & and Silent Crippling.

At this point of time there is only one that will decide the end or beginning of this.
The one that's always been around silently observing, the one that rarely shows up visibly, yet when He does - it shakes the foundation of the universe - The Maker

Have mercy on this humble frigate.





 Have mercy

12 hours

We've hit the 12 hour mark.

at this point of time it seems like a convict awaiting the death sentence to pass. The real longing is of course for Walkabout to be utterly destroyed - but yet ... are we again building castles in the sky?
Can one be blamed for harboring such thoughts out of self-preservation?

i just don't want to be hurt all over again

is she Legend - asking ... pleading The Maker

35 hours

it's that time again, time to hold the fort alone while the rest are out. The thing isn't so much so of holding the fort but solitude breads brooding and brooding leads to ... it never leads to anything good.
At this point of time Reality has began the auxiliary turbolaser fire. Main guns will fire as soon as the trajectory lasers align. This is going to hurt ... bad

Time to main gun fire: 35 hours and counting.

Time and time again one has to wonder, what is the purpose of it all? It doesn't seem so difficult for everyone else. It's always isn't exactly right to compare, but many times one can't really help it - especially when the desire for something is this great. 35 more hours till the cold steel of reality stabs, and already crushing blows off and on can be felt. All this is for someone whom we barely even spoke to.

I was really minding my own business - really i was! Easily there are more than a handful of other people around that could have mesmerized, other people whom at least some form of rappor existed - but no. Again the most difficult 'condition' one. That had to be the one that captivated. The one where it practically sends a signal to Reality.

10 year gap
never met before
possibly different sattelite or service
& the cold truth is, basically something totally out of grasp.

and ... there is always the SE-C factor. Unworthy we are
Why? Even if the planets and stars align, why us when there exist numerous other better people around.

this time ... this time it was within boundries. She is a daughter of The Maker
But again - will this escapade end in the same way? No matter how much preparation for the worst, lowered expectations and what nots, we are going to burn under the fire - again.


Captain?
Yes MadelineOur shields are down
I know.

first contact

Soooo .... there was first contact today. Very short, slight and quick - but there still was.

so difficult not to want to hope not read into things. Am i really setting myself up for another huge fall again?


*************************************

Captain? Reality is in firing range but still holding position
She's waiting for the opportune time Madeline.
Opportune time ?
Look at the trajectory laser sights. They're aligning as we speak. When they align fully, expect a full barrange.
Will our shields hold?
Nope. Just make sure we have minimal power
Will it be like that time
Yes - unless
Unless?
Unless Legend shows up ...
How sure are we ...
We aren't sure at all. This is why we prepare for the worst.

reading into things

if i wanted to read into things, there could be a great many things that could perhaps be sources of hope - yet again to what ends? So that the whole mw event perpetuates itself all over again?

Have you not hurt enough already?
Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

To not hope - is to admit defeat,  yet to hope is to ... ? really at lost here. we're back at the same spot full of questions without any answers.
only two sure fire facts remain at this point of time.
a Christmas wish. To finally see Walkabout utterly destoyed. To no longer be hounded by it - and once again, Legend has a name; hwl

Which ending will come to pass? The Destruction of Walkbout? or the normal one? Which one do i want - but yet which is Reality?

would it be a surprise or would the song No Surprises play again? i do not know. Surprises do come in the last expected time and mode - Siberia & Altec, but as of now we are talking about really deep desires.

rofl - even as this was being penned out, "Sleepstar - I Was Wrong plays". Bitter irony that is.

Guess pneoxian is right - hope enough to keep going, but be prepared for the status quo. Maybe that would be the modus operandi now. We'll deal with the breached hull and downed shields - later

adra

definitely must be noted down. Adra too gave the gift of sound - Altec

Thank You God for both friends and family.

Thank You

a turn of events

mayday! mayday! we are under attack! Assailants: VSD Overdrive and VSD Hope.


************************

a turn of events. Crimmas dinner at Tropicana House went above and beyond. Despite being late due to practise, the reception was above and beyond. Practically was there from 2000 to 2200 and more importantly made some relations with both the girl's parents. At least now they can attach a face to the name.
Definitely the both of them are Godsend angels, both whom are priceless.


Practise, practise, practise. The mere mention of this word invokes Overdrive, which at this point of time is not a good thing. Overdrive or commonly known as Creativity is unkind in nature - especially during these periods. We've moved on, that's for sure but only again to be captivated by another.
In all honesty i was minding my own business, but radiance - it is difficult to ignore radiance. It is also difficult to ignore her voice which is so strong, yet melodious.

And because of this person: hwl - now it invokes Overdrive and Hope. Mercilessly beating down both shields and hull. At this point of time both are holding up well - but we all know, the last date of any form or means of 'interaction' will be the 24th.
Then it will be cased closed. Another passing event that rocked and shook Med Frigate.

From there it will be back to Status Quo.

Hope? Maybe hope, but not expect. Such a fine line that is and more often than not, i cross it - and cross it far way too deep in.

Only pneoxian knows about hml. Only he knows about the 10 year gap that exist. So many logical reasons and past experiences that all point in one direction - Nay

The question now what should one hope for? Would it be wise to leverage on the angel's hope and  hope for big things and events? Once bitten twice shy they say - but in this case it's thrice? four times? quinta - hexa - hepta - octa - whatever number ... i've lost count practically.

tail end / beginning or?

to not write this down would not do justice. To imply that everything is bleak and gloomy too will be a lie. After many months of darkness, unfavorable events, silence and heartbreaks only of late there is a tiny change of events. In the spirit of giving as we near Christmas, as easy as it is to give, as easy as it is to receive.

pneoxian and nom-nom gave the gift of sound - Siberia headset. It's value is too high, way too high to be simply given as a normal present. Adra has promised a new sound system too since my 10 year + one died / is dying. Honestly this change of events is a real welcome to what has transpired over the past months. Even so it doesn't answer the existing questions but on the flipside creates more.

do i hope? or do i continue to hope?
is this the beginning of something better yet to come?

no one knows. To the very least, these events are noted down as milestones. They are blessings from The Maker.

past few nights have been spent filling in za and chels about past events, history and inevitably her as well.
Compressing so much information in such a short time isn't easy and due to the amount of information it took a span of days, and at this point of time still is going - but about to reach it's end soon.

za offers to write a story about it, but yet this story doesn't have a happy ending. It isn't Disney - or has it not reach it's end yet? Again here is where Hope rests and so readily arm it's turbo lasers.
So afraid to hope now, fear of being disappointed again.

maybe we continue now without hope - but at least, we haven't given up despite what has happened or despite what didn't happen.

Status: Shields 62% Hull: 100% all systems online.

the past - the present

the day that we have been preparing for arrives, laying out the entire history just about everything possible in an online medium including about her to chels and za. i do hope that if anything, it would serve as an encouragement and insight into life itself - that they do not have to trod down the same path because no sane person would want any of their friends down the same path. The price is too great

Too much hurt
Too much pain
Too much loneliness

dreams: again

decided to move on. The hurt definitely has lessened yet Overdrive doesn't seem to stop. Rather than write a lot, just going to pen down the events.

Dreamed again. Public acknowledgment of God's healing in her life.

am i going insane with all this?

i'll be me

Karen says lk looks like me (on mw's way out for hospital x-ray visit) i don't know whether that's a compliment or an insult. I do not want to be him. Strangely as it sounds, i don't want to be in his position either. If anything, and this is one huge big fat mofo IF - if anything i'd want it to be genuine, sincere and her to be able to publicly acknowlege the relationship. Not how it is being relayed to be in the past.

if if if - always if. But such is the mantle of the sheepdog isn't it.

More and more the mantle fits - but bearing it doesn't become easier at all. The hardships and reprocussion are always the same. The same difficult as heck level.

Madeline, we're anticipating more fire from Creativity and Reality today too. Brace for it

late entry

late entry. This was supposed to be for yesterday, but i suppose yesterday's events was too much of a distrought to create the entry. The thing is that there was nothing spectacular that happened, just a day where Creativity and Reality were more relentless than usual.

Maybe it is due to all the recent events all accumulated and now is imploding, from the ipod gift, to more weddings, to more photographs - the usual hoobla 'reminders'

mw hurt herself while horseback riding. As usual lk will show up in the office to ferry her off. Truth be told i did not notice him coming in via the back door. Looking up from my desk and i noticed him locking the door.

The only - only remedial event was the simple talks with Chels and Za. Bless them for being warm and accomodating, yet the question remains: Should i be so attached again to others that i may not stand on my own?

bittersweet: revisted

nc gave her an iPod nano as an anniversary present. It's not so much so the present; but more of the entire thing. It could be very well be a simple card yet as happy and joyous i am for them, it is again a mixed of bittersweet.
Could it stem from envy? i do not know, could be perhaps or it is just that Walkabout's lasers are very close to home this time.

Re-watching Mission Impossible 3 didn't really help. At the end of it, Ethan leaves IMF for his wife.

Same questions - same answers or lack thereof.

Where did i go wrong?
What more do i have to do?
Can i really shoulder the sheepdog mantle which then transitions to John 15:13?

We won't have answers again tonight. Tough it out - as usual. Just don't let anyone know or see the damage. It's not their problem really - it isn't

recall:dream

It was a debate whether or not to record this, but since it is part of the purpose this journal or milestones were created, might as well.
Last night's dream which is still vivid was short and simple.

Facebook relationship change to her

after the decision to move on, after all the reality - evidence, heart breaks and tears;
still these happen. It is a pleasant thought but to what ends?

So that it'll shatter and re-open old wounds on top of creating new ones - Again?After all, Skum mentioned that dreams are sometimes just manifestations of our deepest desire.

Desire? Still there
Decision? Made

These should stop. It's pointless. You.only.hurt.yourself. Just like Overdrives

restoration

it is assuring to both know and see that restoration is in place, at least for one incident. Despite the mistakes that i do unintentionally, it doesn't leave unwanted lasting effects. That much i should be thankful for. One can only hope that things take a better turn from this point?

Yet again - Hope - Kibo; the very name of one of Walkabout's escort.

Her relentless fires are one of the worse of the entourage.

Dare we hope again? Should we?

pockets of solace

soemtimes in the midst of a shitstorm, there are little pockets of solace that are found. It helps to get through all the turbulence. Lunch time with mw may have seemed like a last resort - but after that and two ice-creams, things did take a turn for the better, for now.

If anything we managed to cheer her up a lot.
"Cause you're pretty"
*laugh*
"Now you think that's the biggest joke of the century don't ya?"

indirect

there is a new hire today. inevitably introductions and small talk ensues. due to her ethnic background and upbrinding, the topic of marriage is important. the fact that she did ask everyone about it is a testament itself.

yay

if she only knew but a glipse of what has happened, maybe she wouldn't be so eager to ask
if she only understood the plight of a sheepdog, maybe she wouldn't be confused of the current predicament
if she only knew the history, she would know the present

fault her? no. this is not her fault at all. it is perfectly natural topic of conversation.
like with any other daily occurences, it's more salt to wound. doesn't matter if it's client records or DCRs to observations or conversations, Walkabout's turbo lasers are constant and daily.

Today, they did more than take down the shields.

and with all the fall outs - it didn't help one bit at all. Not a damn bit.

Status: Shields down, Hull 34%, Engines 15% holding position.