Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
25
out of the blue there was this thought that "What if High Warlord was only ready to settle down during her mid 20s? Would you wait?"
At surface level it may be a simple Yes or No but as much time and thought was put into it, apparently not so easy after all. For there are a few factors to take into consideration.
For one, i still hardly know High Warlord, but in this case to (to the best effort) accurately provide an answer, some assumptions or conditions have to be made - just like Algebra.
Assuming that:
High Warlord and i got along and (if i may say) our friendship grew more than friends
I would have the assurance that she had the same desires and goals with mine (as far as partners are concerned)
My answer would be yes, because she is worth the wait. To say right now "Yes" would be presumptios because there isn't enough information. Too many probabilities.
Based on the two earlier assumptions, to wait until studies are over? Of course. To wait until she secures a job to which she may build a career of. Definitely. It's a pleasant thought too to think that somewhere somewhow she has a career in music or singing of some sort - definitely worth the wait.
but for now, one has to be careful to not bank on wishful thinking and false hopes. The sting of last year still lingers
At surface level it may be a simple Yes or No but as much time and thought was put into it, apparently not so easy after all. For there are a few factors to take into consideration.
For one, i still hardly know High Warlord, but in this case to (to the best effort) accurately provide an answer, some assumptions or conditions have to be made - just like Algebra.
Assuming that:
High Warlord and i got along and (if i may say) our friendship grew more than friends
I would have the assurance that she had the same desires and goals with mine (as far as partners are concerned)
My answer would be yes, because she is worth the wait. To say right now "Yes" would be presumptios because there isn't enough information. Too many probabilities.
Based on the two earlier assumptions, to wait until studies are over? Of course. To wait until she secures a job to which she may build a career of. Definitely. It's a pleasant thought too to think that somewhere somewhow she has a career in music or singing of some sort - definitely worth the wait.
but for now, one has to be careful to not bank on wishful thinking and false hopes. The sting of last year still lingers
Thursday, March 17, 2011
meta
Dinner with skum this evening revealed a fair bit of information. Apparently j.nah still is in Monash and is it a coincidence that High Warlord is there too? What was shocking was what he used to or perhaps still is doing - prophesying and others.
No wanting to read too much into things, but indeed that alone could be a topic of conversation (in future) hopefully - Big hope.
Once in a while, i plug random stuff into google and see what can be found. Because of that i stumbled upon a video of High Warlord 3 years ago. Words cannot describe, and my vocabulary fails when i watch the video. It was the entire family celebrating the dad's birthday.
There was another video of her, perhaps singing her own song that she wrote (self recorded) The quality of the sound and video most certainly did not do justice.
Meanwhile, stumbled across Chris Medina's song. It was the chap that sang for his fiance that suffered from an accident 2 months before they were supposed to get married. Tis not Chris and the incident that draw my attention, but the ability, the potential (with proper resources and channels) to launch High Warlord (if she is willing) into the music industry.
I sit here again unable to sleep as many ideas start to formulate in my head surrounding her. Label me a stalker for searching down history - i am guilty. Label me a creep for stalking behavior - i am guilty. In my defense i only can say that she is just that interesting that the desire to know more is so great.
If The Maker doesn't will us together, then may i humbly ask that i may use what skills, knowledge and talent that was given by The Maker, to impact her life, to perhaps open a great avenue or career before i disappear.
No wanting to read too much into things, but indeed that alone could be a topic of conversation (in future) hopefully - Big hope.
Once in a while, i plug random stuff into google and see what can be found. Because of that i stumbled upon a video of High Warlord 3 years ago. Words cannot describe, and my vocabulary fails when i watch the video. It was the entire family celebrating the dad's birthday.
There was another video of her, perhaps singing her own song that she wrote (self recorded) The quality of the sound and video most certainly did not do justice.
Meanwhile, stumbled across Chris Medina's song. It was the chap that sang for his fiance that suffered from an accident 2 months before they were supposed to get married. Tis not Chris and the incident that draw my attention, but the ability, the potential (with proper resources and channels) to launch High Warlord (if she is willing) into the music industry.
I sit here again unable to sleep as many ideas start to formulate in my head surrounding her. Label me a stalker for searching down history - i am guilty. Label me a creep for stalking behavior - i am guilty. In my defense i only can say that she is just that interesting that the desire to know more is so great.
If The Maker doesn't will us together, then may i humbly ask that i may use what skills, knowledge and talent that was given by The Maker, to impact her life, to perhaps open a great avenue or career before i disappear.
Monday, March 14, 2011
plan
it is days like these which are a huge encouragement. A trip to calvaryland bringing Aunty and Uncle Cheong. If things went according to plan, Adra would have drove but Adra needed rest and hence i took over.
Who would have thought, after 25 years, the favor of chauffeuring is repaied to Uncle Cheong.
It was again His timing that Friday the translated script was given to Aunty Cheong and it was an addition to her message on Sunday. Coincidence? Not at all. The previous night too, was a late night due to the conversation with smy. As a result of that, had to go for 1030 service. That resulted in perfect timing before the trip for Calvaryland.
Monday is an off-day (replacement leave) Just in time too as it would be ideal to visit Ting Specialist again. Moreover, it can be used to catch up on housework due to the busy Sunday's activities. The simple dinner with Aunty and Uncle Cheong too was again a blessing in disguise as Uncle Cheong did want to eat satay sometime back but due to unforeseen circumstances, was unable to. This night, it was a semi-reunion and a heart's desire granted.
There is no doubt now that You orchestrate things for our good. Many times our concept of good will clash because we (i) am such a short-sighted person. Having experience this short episode is indeed evidence of your intervention.
Who would have thought, after 25 years, the favor of chauffeuring is repaied to Uncle Cheong.
It was again His timing that Friday the translated script was given to Aunty Cheong and it was an addition to her message on Sunday. Coincidence? Not at all. The previous night too, was a late night due to the conversation with smy. As a result of that, had to go for 1030 service. That resulted in perfect timing before the trip for Calvaryland.
Monday is an off-day (replacement leave) Just in time too as it would be ideal to visit Ting Specialist again. Moreover, it can be used to catch up on housework due to the busy Sunday's activities. The simple dinner with Aunty and Uncle Cheong too was again a blessing in disguise as Uncle Cheong did want to eat satay sometime back but due to unforeseen circumstances, was unable to. This night, it was a semi-reunion and a heart's desire granted.
There is no doubt now that You orchestrate things for our good. Many times our concept of good will clash because we (i) am such a short-sighted person. Having experience this short episode is indeed evidence of your intervention.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
is?
is it because that You want me to show and depict Your love to others that you have (for now) closed all doors and (seemingly) deprived me of a companion?
i could look at it as a mockery of having to advise others when i myself am not in a relationship - but that'll be too negative.
i've re-affirmed my choice - You. Somedays i may forget (many days in fact) for the gnawing hearthache, grief and disappointment overtakes my rationale / spiritual. During those days it is my prayer that You will not cast me away nor exact Your judgement.
But for now, moving out to assist sk.
i could look at it as a mockery of having to advise others when i myself am not in a relationship - but that'll be too negative.
i've re-affirmed my choice - You. Somedays i may forget (many days in fact) for the gnawing hearthache, grief and disappointment overtakes my rationale / spiritual. During those days it is my prayer that You will not cast me away nor exact Your judgement.
But for now, moving out to assist sk.
letters to the master
the arena resounds with the audience's cheer. They cheer not for me, but for my opponent. He - it goes by many names but for now, Walkabout.
You said that "Don't worry, I will be by your side during the fight". My eyes are red and puffy. My breath is short. My mouth dry. I only taste the salty blood that runs from my head trickling down to my mouth. I can barely stand up. My 'student band' around my head is soaked crimson with my own blood.
This is round 17 (years) and there isn't one round that i have even remotely come close to victory with. 17 rounds of knockout - but this fight isn't based on knockouts, it's based on elimination or surrender.
I look up and try to peer amidst the blurred vision. I don't see very well. One of my eye is nearly completely shut due to an open wound near it from a direct hit.
You my Master are no where in sight
"I will be by your side, when you're fight goes on"
You thought me (the art of) Hope - but it's countered with Disappointment
You thought me (the art of) Seeking First - but it's countered with Broken Dreams
You thought me (the art of ) Companionship - but it's countered with Grief and Rejection
You thought me (the art of) Prayer - but it's countered with Silence
You thought me (the art of) Joy - but it's countered with Despair and Injustice
Every move you thought me, my opponent has countered and deflected. Again i peer around, maybe someone will help me fight this battle, for i am barely even standing up now - but everyone is too busy. No one is around, not even you my Master.
I have ran out of arts to use. You only thought me so much stating that "It's sufficient" but every move i made, has been futile. Let me try Hope stance one more time - Countered; Companionship - Countered; Joy ! - Countered.
The bell rings as i am given a full minute to attempt to stand up again. Look, on the floor of the ring - crimson and clear spots. The last blow must have opened a new wound, and more tears flow now marring my vision even more.
i know - i know that You posses the "Satsui No Hadou" both the touch of death and touch of life. If You were here, You'd have an art that Walkabout could never counter - but you are not here.
For some, their Legend came and they double-teamed their Walkabout, but for me?
Legend is what Legend is - a Legend.
Despite the 17 rounds of knockouts, the blood, the tears, the (arts) things that i do which are all rendered ineffective, despite being beaten down to my seemingly last breath, despite enduring wracking pains each time i draw breath because my ribs have punctured my lungs, despite leaning only one one arm because the other is broken, despite a staggered footwork from a broken leg - because i carry your insignia, your symbol, i will attempt to stand again, and assume battle stance.
For now the fight is not entirely over, though it really does feel like it.
The only hope that i have, are your words "When the time comes, I will teach you Senpukyaku to defeat your opponent". Maybe that day or time, will be accompanied by "The Heart of Courage"
But for now, forgive me for the moments i lose sight and lie on the arena floor in my pool of blood. Forgive me when i have no strength left to assume the stances you taught me. Forgive me when many times i feel like surrendering, especially after 17 rounds of defeat.
In moments such as this my Master, i only pray that you see my broken heart within my wracking body
Your Student
Tats
You said that "Don't worry, I will be by your side during the fight". My eyes are red and puffy. My breath is short. My mouth dry. I only taste the salty blood that runs from my head trickling down to my mouth. I can barely stand up. My 'student band' around my head is soaked crimson with my own blood.
This is round 17 (years) and there isn't one round that i have even remotely come close to victory with. 17 rounds of knockout - but this fight isn't based on knockouts, it's based on elimination or surrender.
I look up and try to peer amidst the blurred vision. I don't see very well. One of my eye is nearly completely shut due to an open wound near it from a direct hit.
You my Master are no where in sight
"I will be by your side, when you're fight goes on"
You thought me (the art of) Hope - but it's countered with Disappointment
You thought me (the art of) Seeking First - but it's countered with Broken Dreams
You thought me (the art of ) Companionship - but it's countered with Grief and Rejection
You thought me (the art of) Prayer - but it's countered with Silence
You thought me (the art of) Joy - but it's countered with Despair and Injustice
Every move you thought me, my opponent has countered and deflected. Again i peer around, maybe someone will help me fight this battle, for i am barely even standing up now - but everyone is too busy. No one is around, not even you my Master.
I have ran out of arts to use. You only thought me so much stating that "It's sufficient" but every move i made, has been futile. Let me try Hope stance one more time - Countered; Companionship - Countered; Joy ! - Countered.
The bell rings as i am given a full minute to attempt to stand up again. Look, on the floor of the ring - crimson and clear spots. The last blow must have opened a new wound, and more tears flow now marring my vision even more.
i know - i know that You posses the "Satsui No Hadou" both the touch of death and touch of life. If You were here, You'd have an art that Walkabout could never counter - but you are not here.
For some, their Legend came and they double-teamed their Walkabout, but for me?
Legend is what Legend is - a Legend.
Despite the 17 rounds of knockouts, the blood, the tears, the (arts) things that i do which are all rendered ineffective, despite being beaten down to my seemingly last breath, despite enduring wracking pains each time i draw breath because my ribs have punctured my lungs, despite leaning only one one arm because the other is broken, despite a staggered footwork from a broken leg - because i carry your insignia, your symbol, i will attempt to stand again, and assume battle stance.
For now the fight is not entirely over, though it really does feel like it.
The only hope that i have, are your words "When the time comes, I will teach you Senpukyaku to defeat your opponent". Maybe that day or time, will be accompanied by "The Heart of Courage"
But for now, forgive me for the moments i lose sight and lie on the arena floor in my pool of blood. Forgive me when i have no strength left to assume the stances you taught me. Forgive me when many times i feel like surrendering, especially after 17 rounds of defeat.
In moments such as this my Master, i only pray that you see my broken heart within my wracking body
Your Student
Tats
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
kujira no uta (song of the whale)
Once upon a time, there was a whale called June. Or maybe her name is Margaret. Or Kate. We don't really know. A few nitrogen-hearted scientists call her 52 Hertz just because she sings at a 51.75Hz frequency, but I will call her Alice.
Alice isn't like any other baleen whale. Unlike all whales, Alice doesn't have friends. She doesn't have a family. She doesn't belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn't have a lover. She never had one.
In the immense solitude of the ocean, Alice is completely alone.
The only thing Alice does is sing. Like other whales, she has been singing for a very long time. The first time we heard her song was in 1989, when the hydrophone network of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded her voice for the first time. The researchers at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution have been tracking her using these hydrophones for the last two decades.
Her songs—in this recording accelerated by a factor of five—come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25Hz, Alice sings at 51.75Hz.
You see, my dear humans, that's precisely Alice's problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And with every lonely song, Alice becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.
Nobody knows why this is happening. Nobody knows why Alice is going through the wrong paths instead of following the usual baleen whale's migratory channels. Some think that she might be a weird hybrid, one of a kind. Maybe she—or he, as we don't really know the whale's sex—is the last member of her species. Perhaps there was a mutation. Who knows. Who cares—the explanation doesn't matter.
Whatever the reason is, the sad fact is that there's no happy ending to this tale. Alice keeps roaming the big blue, eating krill, seeing other creatures around her but unable to communicate with any of them. And one day, the NOAA hydrophones will record Alice's unique voice one last time. And again, that farewell cry will get no reply. But it will not matter this time because, at last, Alice would be sad no more.
again, too accurate of a description.
Alice isn't like any other baleen whale. Unlike all whales, Alice doesn't have friends. She doesn't have a family. She doesn't belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn't have a lover. She never had one.
In the immense solitude of the ocean, Alice is completely alone.
The only thing Alice does is sing. Like other whales, she has been singing for a very long time. The first time we heard her song was in 1989, when the hydrophone network of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded her voice for the first time. The researchers at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution have been tracking her using these hydrophones for the last two decades.
Her songs—in this recording accelerated by a factor of five—come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25Hz, Alice sings at 51.75Hz.
You see, my dear humans, that's precisely Alice's problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And with every lonely song, Alice becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.
Nobody knows why this is happening. Nobody knows why Alice is going through the wrong paths instead of following the usual baleen whale's migratory channels. Some think that she might be a weird hybrid, one of a kind. Maybe she—or he, as we don't really know the whale's sex—is the last member of her species. Perhaps there was a mutation. Who knows. Who cares—the explanation doesn't matter.
Whatever the reason is, the sad fact is that there's no happy ending to this tale. Alice keeps roaming the big blue, eating krill, seeing other creatures around her but unable to communicate with any of them. And one day, the NOAA hydrophones will record Alice's unique voice one last time. And again, that farewell cry will get no reply. But it will not matter this time because, at last, Alice would be sad no more.
again, too accurate of a description.
tantalus
"Tantalus's punishment for his act, now a proverbial term for temptation without satisfaction (the source of the word tantalize), was to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches. Whenever he reached for the fruit, the branches raised his intended meal from his grasp. Whenever he bent down to get a drink, the water receded before he could get any."
None the more accurate
None the more accurate
Monday, March 7, 2011
the gobbo mage
the closest (at this point of time) entity would be the little gobbo mage, purely created and named out of affection, just like the past few. Poured out much time and investment into it - to mimic that which will most probably not happen.
Full of potential and capability, mimicing High Warlord - to which she was named after. Over achieving, way more than Tats could ever achieve during his early levels.
But alas, all these will never be known by anyone else. Will be liken the rest, the gladiator, the druid - named after those ...
and this will be the closest you will ever get - should be contented with this and not expect any more, for with great expectations (as proven in past history) comes greater disappointment.
Full of potential and capability, mimicing High Warlord - to which she was named after. Over achieving, way more than Tats could ever achieve during his early levels.
But alas, all these will never be known by anyone else. Will be liken the rest, the gladiator, the druid - named after those ...
and this will be the closest you will ever get - should be contented with this and not expect any more, for with great expectations (as proven in past history) comes greater disappointment.
me, You & high warlord
Today again i stand before You. No facades. No pretense.
i know that for a fact, You will not tell me why, but at the same time You have said that things are for my best. You wrote that it isn't good for me to be alone, yet there isn't a day that goes by where i yearn for that which is elusive / non-existent.
You tell me not to compare, but how do i not do it? Often times it is automatic. i run away from it but daily - daily i am reminded. Reminded where other have succeeded, i have failed miserably. Do i have to atone for my wrong doings? All of them? Even if it was so, having the knowledge would at least be slightly comforting.
Dare i say you brought them across my life? But i really do not want to blame You. It does nothing but place me in bad attitude and selfish motives. At the same time You have said that You're in control and there are times You do orchestrate things, for nothing happens without a reason. In hindsight, when i broke my own heart, that was my own folly, to pursue that who isn't your daughter.
But now - high warlord. Again You choose not to say anything. Everything points against me. Will this whole escapade end like mw ? of course without the slander, but history repeating itself. The agony, the brokenness and tears and i'll find myself back at square one.
i do my best to keep your commands, not because i expect things in return - because You have taught me to. i know for a fact it is the right thing to do, purely out of love and not rituals and obligations. Yet i am only human. Irrespective of how i put it, the human nature does desire some form of gratification. i am unlike Your Son, whom has nothing but Agape. i am merely human.
It does hurt very much hearing others testify, and hearing of their own environment straightening out because You chose to intervene. When i look at my own situation, i only see closed doors and silent walls. Do You care? i have asked countless times. I know you do without a doubt, but still the surrounding evidence points otherwise.
Through Your servant You have said that you do not deprive, that Isaacs are taken away for Abraham's sake - not to deprive but to bless but would you fault me if i asked "if this was just a placebo?" i do feel like major deprivation. Joy does not surround me, grief does. Happiness doesn't hold my hand, disappointment does. Am i disappointment merely because i expected You to work in a certain way? Maybe i did, or maybe i misinterpreted Your word. If such is the case, please accept my humble apology, because i do not know how else - how else to view this. When i read and hear how others are blessed - blessed with their desires and i look at myself, it breaks me. i am told to not ask for personal desires or expect - yet many others do and receive, it breaks me.
i admit that my past decisions have echoing consequences, and this i have to bear. Would it be too much if You would reach down and correct the past mistakes? i know you can, but would You? i have seen Your hand in restoring the silly mistakes i made - Yet even when i say that, it appears that i am cursed with Necrotic Touch. What i put my hands to, withers and dies but i hear and read others testifying of your abundant blessing.
In closing
i do not feel You close at all, although Your word says You are
i experience partiality, though Your word says You aren't
grief and disappointment rest on my shoulders, when Your word says "Goodness and Love follows me..."
heart brokenness and tears constantly visits me, when Your word says "Abundant life ..."
futile labor are my rewards when Your promises are "pressed down shaken about ..."
crushing loneliness befriends me when even Your first book says "companionship is Your will"
i am weary and distraught, yet i am to put up a front, to portray your goodness, and to carry on being 'normal'
despite the feelings, unrealized desires, perspectives, shattered dreams, and ridicule from men - i still choose to follow You. Many days i look to You and just ask You to mend my heart - because it's the only thing i feel worthy of asking that isn't selfish.
Tonight is no different.
and i still choose You
Job 1:21 "the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD"
i know that for a fact, You will not tell me why, but at the same time You have said that things are for my best. You wrote that it isn't good for me to be alone, yet there isn't a day that goes by where i yearn for that which is elusive / non-existent.
You tell me not to compare, but how do i not do it? Often times it is automatic. i run away from it but daily - daily i am reminded. Reminded where other have succeeded, i have failed miserably. Do i have to atone for my wrong doings? All of them? Even if it was so, having the knowledge would at least be slightly comforting.
Dare i say you brought them across my life? But i really do not want to blame You. It does nothing but place me in bad attitude and selfish motives. At the same time You have said that You're in control and there are times You do orchestrate things, for nothing happens without a reason. In hindsight, when i broke my own heart, that was my own folly, to pursue that who isn't your daughter.
But now - high warlord. Again You choose not to say anything. Everything points against me. Will this whole escapade end like mw ? of course without the slander, but history repeating itself. The agony, the brokenness and tears and i'll find myself back at square one.
i do my best to keep your commands, not because i expect things in return - because You have taught me to. i know for a fact it is the right thing to do, purely out of love and not rituals and obligations. Yet i am only human. Irrespective of how i put it, the human nature does desire some form of gratification. i am unlike Your Son, whom has nothing but Agape. i am merely human.
It does hurt very much hearing others testify, and hearing of their own environment straightening out because You chose to intervene. When i look at my own situation, i only see closed doors and silent walls. Do You care? i have asked countless times. I know you do without a doubt, but still the surrounding evidence points otherwise.
Through Your servant You have said that you do not deprive, that Isaacs are taken away for Abraham's sake - not to deprive but to bless but would you fault me if i asked "if this was just a placebo?" i do feel like major deprivation. Joy does not surround me, grief does. Happiness doesn't hold my hand, disappointment does. Am i disappointment merely because i expected You to work in a certain way? Maybe i did, or maybe i misinterpreted Your word. If such is the case, please accept my humble apology, because i do not know how else - how else to view this. When i read and hear how others are blessed - blessed with their desires and i look at myself, it breaks me. i am told to not ask for personal desires or expect - yet many others do and receive, it breaks me.
i admit that my past decisions have echoing consequences, and this i have to bear. Would it be too much if You would reach down and correct the past mistakes? i know you can, but would You? i have seen Your hand in restoring the silly mistakes i made - Yet even when i say that, it appears that i am cursed with Necrotic Touch. What i put my hands to, withers and dies but i hear and read others testifying of your abundant blessing.
In closing
i do not feel You close at all, although Your word says You are
i experience partiality, though Your word says You aren't
grief and disappointment rest on my shoulders, when Your word says "Goodness and Love follows me..."
heart brokenness and tears constantly visits me, when Your word says "Abundant life ..."
futile labor are my rewards when Your promises are "pressed down shaken about ..."
crushing loneliness befriends me when even Your first book says "companionship is Your will"
i am weary and distraught, yet i am to put up a front, to portray your goodness, and to carry on being 'normal'
despite the feelings, unrealized desires, perspectives, shattered dreams, and ridicule from men - i still choose to follow You. Many days i look to You and just ask You to mend my heart - because it's the only thing i feel worthy of asking that isn't selfish.
Tonight is no different.
and i still choose You
Job 1:21 "the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD"
Thursday, March 3, 2011
green grass
They say that ‘the grass is greener on the other side’. Well yeah, we always want that which we cannot have. Others want the freedom of singlehood, while here we battle loneliness and rejection.
Spent a fair bit of time with kt today, explaining a lot of things. Irrespective of how many times i bring it up again, i always feel inadequate to advise on relationships, love and marriage. Even in saying so i had hoped i shed a bit of light in her situation. I don’t hold the solution to the problems that she faces, but hopefully there was enough insight given for her to make things go in the right direction.
It isn’t accurate to use one person as a sample data, but it seems (at least from this circle of friends) the current relationships that we know of aren’t doing all too well. There are those whom suffer in silence due to not fully knowing their partners. It’s a comparison between two ‘evils’. Loneliness & Rejection versus Strife & Conflicts. Yet one asks, which relationship doesn’t have differences? All of them do because here you have two very different and unique individuals.
game
"we only want what's best for you"
Ya sure you do. It seems that it is some sort of game to match make me as i seem to be the only poor sod around that's unattached. Pretty sure it's thrilling and fun to play match make and then to say once it's done "that was my work"
"Come and meet so-and-so. She's your type."
Face the fact. None of you know my type. None of you know exactly the past history and present environment. It may be fun and games for most of you, but if you knew the full extent of the rejection, ostracizing, heart break and tears involved, maybe you won't play this game.
Amidst this wicked sense of humor is a somewhat noble intention. Of course i see it - but it's not fun and games. Still one can turn around to question, whether or not i can be callous enough to laugh it off and make a huge joke out of it.
After what has happened - all those years? After what has been taken away - years that have gone and never to be replaced again? No, not a laughing matter at all.
Ya sure you do. It seems that it is some sort of game to match make me as i seem to be the only poor sod around that's unattached. Pretty sure it's thrilling and fun to play match make and then to say once it's done "that was my work"
"Come and meet so-and-so. She's your type."
Face the fact. None of you know my type. None of you know exactly the past history and present environment. It may be fun and games for most of you, but if you knew the full extent of the rejection, ostracizing, heart break and tears involved, maybe you won't play this game.
Amidst this wicked sense of humor is a somewhat noble intention. Of course i see it - but it's not fun and games. Still one can turn around to question, whether or not i can be callous enough to laugh it off and make a huge joke out of it.
After what has happened - all those years? After what has been taken away - years that have gone and never to be replaced again? No, not a laughing matter at all.
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