in search of a song

Taken from mkb's writing:

" The way she is reflected in his eyes, the way they look at each other and begin to smile. The way one looks at the other when the other is looking away, and like the force of the gaze is enough to penetrate the skin, it pulls the other back, and eyes meet, and a smile plays on the corner of their lips like the faint first notes of an orchestra.

Without love we are singers in search of a song."Indeed I often feel as described - a singer without a song. There is just a feeling of incompleteness. At the same time everyone will say that The Maker is always sufficient, which is true - but there is a level of intimacy that can only be expressed toward a partner - that is different than toward a God.

"singer without a song" maybe in this case it would be an instrument without a song - since I can't sing for jack diddly.

To the best of my knowledge, I would say I am prepared. There definitely are kinks to be ironed out and refined - doesn't everyone else have those? Yet for the most part, the important elements are ready. Now all that is left is to find a song to play to. One moment renewed hope comes into play and there is a confidence that eventually there will be a song.

The very next day, the same renewed hope can just disappear as quickly as it appeared. Day in and day out are constant reminders - constant real life, cold hard evidence of the reality of things.

The crushing blows is that each time certain individual appears, there are even more cold hard facts that are unfavourable - whether it is the difference of faith or age gap or what nots.

The entire thing just feels like a reality TV show where events are always orchestrated to create drama, suspense, and others just to keep the audience watching - at the expense of the actor.

Definitely today the longing is greater than usual, especially with the aforementioned quotes and even Lewis' quotes, yet even as there is that acknowledgement, we can't succumb under fire.
Got to press on, somehow - just got to hold on from the onslaught.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

- C S Lewis