you said

You said that there were plans to prosper and not plans to destroy.
You said that You watch over Your people
You said that You shun evil and rejoice in righteousness
You said justice and righteousness are the pillars of Your throne
You said that if I looked after your affairs, You would look after mine

You said ... that my deepest heart's desire, You will grant ... You said ...

Amidst all that reflections of late show that there still lingers are strong enough tinge of heart sickness due to the recent loss and also the cumulative results of dashed hopes, broken dreams, and the infamous unrequited affection. I try my best to smile and be genuinely happy daily - for others, and to portray a warm and comfortable aura yet in all honesty, many times if not all times it feels so fake.

My heart of hearts is filled with sickness constantly, and the smiles and laughs are so temporary. I look left, and right seeing everyone; friends, family all doing well - even obtaining their desires and answered prayers.
And then I look at myself.

I stand here, with no other hand to hold when others already started their own / starting families
Qualifications I have none when others gain more and more
Income I have none when others receive increments and bonuses
Broken dreams when others attain theirs and have answered prayers for their desires

How do You want me to continue to carry on. You say that these things ought not be our security or end goals. Not fame, not power, not money, not even companionship.
But was it not You whom put in us; me these desires?

The desire for an adventure
The desire to slay a dragon
and the desire to rescue a beauty

This, you place in me - but yet 18 years and going, this yet You seemingly deny.