The long silence is evidence of the depression period one went through. It wouldn't be half as bad if it was a period of happiness so much so that writing here became obsolete, the need for cathartic exercises. Unfortunately since the whole February incident, things went downhill and right this moment changes happened that left a tinge of regret.
No longer are there late night chats or laughter. It is as both parties were reset back to strangers again, 'cept with the occasional cordial greeting.
There was only one incident where she initiated conversation briefly mentioning that we've not spoken for a bit, but even that conversation was cut short due to fatigue after a long day. Beggars can't be choosers? They say to live life without regrets. The say that if you do admire or like someone, express it. Yet with every action always comes a risk, a risk or result of the risk that I have all too often experience. The reward? Most probably not for me. 'Tis always for everyone else.
Yeah, my actions caused a change - a change that deemed for the worse. Despite still being on talking terms (very seldom) can't really say whether there was regret or not. Should I die this instant, there wouldn't be regret of doing what I did, the regret would be perhaps (again as it has been) on unrealized dreams / unmet desires.
Not as intense as previously but still lingering thoughts that death are still welcomed - least it'll end the hurt and loneliness.
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