if only - wouldn't it?

jeff was kind enough to buy lunch today, no presents for guessing why. This is the side that most people see and attribute to, but when it comes to working - totally new personality emerges.
project mw is off to hongkee land. Real funny status update "... come into my room and eat my food only" rofl. Sad and true as it may be, but the hilarity of it stands. Poor girl - having to work under such a person. i sincerely hope that the holiday will do her good despite having to bring her work along.

*sigh* i really miss her. i know i'm not supposed to, come on there is nothing and what more she knows everything. Yet that doesn't change the fact that i do miss her. i miss her smile. i miss seeing her eager to come over to the filing room during training breaks, even if it were to spend 10 minutes there. i miss the linking of arms, even if it was all but 5seconds of it. i miss holding her hand, even if it was a 'lame' excuse to help her cross the road. i miss the lunch hours.

i miss you mw

The blow to the nuts is that it's passed Aunty Kum's birthday, and the thought didn't come to pass. With it, the others die as well as they are inter-related. Why? Naze? Same age old question i asked four months ago - why?

Things seemingly fell into place - and then fell some more to 'out of place'. It would have been such a powerful testimony, story, a fairytale. Wouldn't it be a wonderful story, meeting at the place of work and then not long after being together, responding to the grins of colleagues because they knew.
What a powerful testimony of a test of faith, dreams and thoughts - that God orchestrated, Abraham's test - reprised in this modern day and age, to encourage other youths to be steadfast.
A powerful testimony for others to put their faith in God, and indeed their deepest heart's desire will come to pass.

We have so much in common, from the stuff we experienced during childhood - Thundercats, Heathcliff, Kakitos and Vitagen, to extreme polar opposites, a person of class and finese and another who has no clue in fashion and form. English Ed and Chinese Ed, i could go on but i won't. they will fall again if i do, i'm sorry but it is too painful to continue.

A Disney story - Beauty & The Beast

But that's what it is now isn't it? A fairytale - happy stories that kids hear before they sleep - all feel good words that makes people momentarily happy, operative word: momentarily which leads us back to The Legend.

Cliche as it may sound

If you only knew how much that i miss you, given that the fact i've told you that i repressed everything for your sake.

If you only knew as to how far i went and will go, for your overall well-being, to see you smile genuinely - not the tough girl facade you put up for others

If only you knew how i bleed when i see you struggle with life's challenges, wanting to shoulder everything on your own

If you only knew what i am willing and will be willing to offer - more than just acts of kindness, more than being a faitful driver ...

... if only

But to hear you somewhat make your decision, to hear the uncertainty and to know that it was done out of obligation and on top of that, to know that one important element that you desire is missing - is there even such a more devastating blow than such?

You made your choice, and i will honor your decision because i honor you. My code binds me as such.
i sincerely wish you happiness and that your decision will bring you what you desire.


... and they fall again, and i hope they will be enough to water the seeds - hopefully