my only sin

Adra is facing heaps of fire from all directions. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. Her only sin? Was to honor God? Much as myself too?

Help me out here but one cannot help  but wonder - are You trying to really break us entirely? All this about not being put the test that is beyond our capability really sounds like lies. It's not a question of 'doing good so that we get rewards' - but hello? Can't even one thing go right just for once? Not even asking for wealth, fame or glory - just smooth sailing for a bit. Really weary of all this stormy seas, and it's really come to the end point - breaking point - point of no return.

i'll say it now:

it has crossed my mind to give up faith
it has crossed my mind to give up hope
and it has crossed my mind to give up life

Take it back. If this is the definition of an abundant life, i do not want it - i do not wish to be mentally and emotionally tormented daily, and all because i wanted live and honor bound life. My only sin was to honor You above all else, and look where it got me. No wanting to play the 'pity card', but what did i do wrong?

Not enough ministries held? Not enough positions held? Not enough giving? Not enough what? Not enough demonstration that i was serious enough? Not enough lessons learnt?

"You gotta proof yourself, that you are serious in handling your affairs"
I did - i did my best

"Do not be unequally yoked. Put God's affairs first, and He will take care of yours"
I consciously made the decision to break my own heart to honor Him.

"Pray believing, 4th dimension prayer, have faith and believe for a breakthrough"
Prayed - still am. Fasted - still am. Only experienced the breaking of heart, dreams and hope

"Do your part and share, God (Holy Spirit) will do the rest"
Already done on more than one occasion. Nothing happened

How does one not lose hope, faith and now the reason to live? All i ever experienced was heartbreaks, dashed hopes, broken dreams and the cold bite of reality, nothing more.


and my only sin was to try my best to honor Him